Written by René Fay

 “Mindfulness trains us to respond, not react, with awareness and discernment. To scratch or not to scratch? That’s up to you. To notice the itch (literal or metaphorical) and choose the response is the practice.”

At 21, I ended up at a 10-day meditation retreat in snowy New England. My practice was minimal, but I was the type to dive in headfirst — intense and impulsive.

Looking back, there were many reasons this wasn’t the best way to start a consistent practice. But I took the strict instructions as gospel: “This is what it takes to be a good meditator. No questions, no deviations.”

The practice wasn’t bad, but it was a shock to my system. It wasn’t just uncomfortable; it was painful. Still, I stayed committed. I kept my eyes shut, stayed still, didn’t scratch my itches, and didn’t move when my leg fell asleep. I pushed through. Suffering felt like a badge of honor. No pain, no gain, right?

Eventually, the suffering became too much, and I left without the desire to continue. Fortunately, I found methods that worked better for me — ones that balanced gentleness, curiosity, and compassion with precision, instead of rigid austerity.

As my practice evolved, I began to question: is pushing through the point? Does it make sense to stay still in pain just because I can? If I approach it with a “no pain, no gain” mindset, where is the balance of gentleness? Am I just compounding suffering on the cushion?

There’s a time to push through, and that is a skill that’s important when needed. But my practice has taught me to ask when it’s truly necessary.

Noticing the itch is the practice of mindfulness. Often, before we even realize we have an itch, we’re scratching it — reacting without awareness. It doesn’t harm us, but it can also be how we move through much of our days, reactionary and without pause.

Mindfulness trains us to respond, not react, with awareness and discernment. To scratch or not to scratch? That’s up to you. To notice the itch (literal or metaphorical) and choose the response is the practice.

In mindfulness meditation, we notice what arises — emotion, memory, sensation. An itch. Acknowledging it without judgment creates space. In that space, we can choose how to respond: wait it out or scratch and relieve discomfort.